For those of you who are unaware, Peru contains the world’s highest lake, the world’s deepest canyon and the world’s coldest showers.

However, in many places facilities have improved with the advent of electric showers. If the cold water leaves you shivering and shrunken, it is now possible to inadvertently warm yourself up with a quick 240 volts of toasty current.

Lima, ah Lima. Capital of Peru and also known as the city of kings. The nomenclature is a good one, as I participated in plenty of looking, thinking, drinking, thanking and w… wonderful joking, while in the city.

It is difficult to wander the streets of Lima at night without being offered elicit substances, which have been banned in all respectable countries. In the course of one evening’s stroll, I was offered marijuana, cocaine, a prostitute and a copy of “Knight Lover – David Hasselhoff’s Greatest Hits”.

In the 17 th and 18 th century, Isla Ballestas was the centre of guano production in Peru . Even today, thousands of tourists arrive every year to look at some bird shit on a rock.

Huacachina is an incredible oasis that looks like it was taken straight from an Arabian nights fantasy, or, failing that, a Captain and Tenille album cover. For those of you on a tight budget, the local hotels offer sandboards, which are a wonderful way to break a bone and recoup some of that insurance money.

My hostel in Cuzco was located on a street called purgatorio. For those of you with slightly tarnished souls who wonder at what terrors purgatory has in store; I can now enlighten you. If purgatory is anything like the street, it will be short, steep and smell like rancid piss. Catholics beware!